yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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