you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
