if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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