do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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