3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I smell stomach acid.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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