wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
