I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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