Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
