you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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