I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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