Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
