at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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