grandma shit on top of the toilet
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
