she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
