I accidentally burped into my bong.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Every concussion has its silver lining
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
