its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
two words...techno handjob
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
