Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
