just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
