I'm going to jail i love you
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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