he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
