Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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