Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Do vagina's smell?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
