Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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