If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
