I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you had me at cake vodka
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i need some magic done to my vagina
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
