go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
