I'm pants shitting drunk right now
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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