Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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