Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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