I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
