I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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