I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Boobs are out for the taking
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
