I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
