At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
