you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
