How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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