You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
