We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
