Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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