Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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