You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
