K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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