I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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