I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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