take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
