he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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