i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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