Pappa wants mamma naked
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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