Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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