Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
